She is in my trunk
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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