You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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