I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
