but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
