my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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