you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I currently don't understand fingers.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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