drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
