I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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