you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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