this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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