Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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