we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Are we still banned from the library?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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