Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
