the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
