Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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