Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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