I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize