ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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