I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize