I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
