If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
