Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
