Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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