i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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