So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
