I just pynch a tree in the face
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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