I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
