The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
