i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
