just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
