you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
