11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
