There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
