Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
