new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
