Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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