hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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