Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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