Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
