I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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