I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
