you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
