What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
