We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
