We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
