you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
