We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
