It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize