I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize