operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
