I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
