I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
