True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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