Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I am available for nakedness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
