there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
