Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
