We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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