I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
