i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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