Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
