I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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