you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
