Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
