When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
