I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
