I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We have started to decorate penises.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
