Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
