She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
