If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
