Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
