All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
