Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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