so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
