I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
